As time passes....

time to update my blog. Somehow as much as I have lots of things happening, i am not as motivated to blog them. I wonder if it just makes me more depressed penning down the dilemma that i was facing. It's probably pyschological more than not. but anger is another different altogether. when in the pits of the anger flames, i rather write to extinguish the flames.

Anyway...happenings of my life:

1) LC left ( think i mentioned in the last blog)
2) Had my picnic
3) Sabby may be moving to SF
4) I did something detrimental to my career
5) Have been forced to think about my future and what i want to do in 2 years time
6) Going to NY this friday but MY will be heading here the day after i arrive - bad timing

so i guess it's all depressing news. The whole weekend was spent in turmoil. Was meant to be happy when MON came by and tried to "poach" me for an upcoming job in his team. And there i was, hasty and indecisive, i went to tell MB. big mistake. Cos in the first place, my fears that prompted me to tell him were unfounded. Could have been in the position to deny any claims from Barny if he dares say anything. And I also opened a can of worms or made wrong impressions when i used the fact that that product is much more "stable" and would be good for my going home. So there in MB's mind, he thinks that my staying in the team will be more beneficial to my career. But at the same time, if i am thinking of home in say the next two years, what should i need to do etc. Never mind that, more serious stuff happened on friday. He went to tell Xiong that i was looking to go home in 2 years time, and asked him to look out for an opening for me. And i was given the task to think about what i want exactly etc. The truth is, in fact, i am not even sure if i should be heading home then. in 2 years, i'll be 27. Prob time to think of family and ourside life etc. But yet, after all the hard work, i cannot seem to see the fruits of labou. does going back mean that i have ended my career prematurely? Maybe not in the short run, but i will prob plato faster in asia (and that is, if i do plato) and then where do I go from there? But yet at the same time, it's all about balancing. Family vs work? at this time of my life, i only have career to consider and so that is the obvious answer. But as Miss Tan has pointed out, you would feel some amount of peer pressure at some point in time. Plus the prospect of going back to Asia, single, is a really daunting idea.

Tried to contact LC but kept missing her. As much as Miss Tan's advice is useful, she forced me to make a decision. But LC, is well versed in this. And she would not have scolded me for doing such a silly thing.
When i finally managed to speak to her, she said that she was quite worried when i left her the message. But as much as she started off saying, " why.....", i just told her i know i should not have mentioned it and it's done, so what should i do next.

The advice has been consistent. Only tell your manager what they need to know. Conflict of interest is that as much as we were close, he's still my manager. But LC is more practical. Just say this is my plan and then of cos if nothing happens or doesn't come up, then just say i'm also open to other stuff. And it's to keep as open as possible, with that room for excuses in case i choose another route. good one.....and i felt so much more at ease after that as well.

Did that talk this morning and said i am interested in quant. and MB gave some good feedback and follow up points....and he is also aware that it's more of x number of years, vs 2 years.

so hopefully...

now, all i need to do is ensure that my weekend is packed with activities. and have my suitcase packed, and then i think i should be all set.